Waiting…For What Exactly?

The Single Christian Woman

So I am a single woman and I am Christian. Two things usually happen when these things come together:

1. There is a large sense of DESPERATION as you get older…to get married. It usually does not come from you. It usually comes from people around you. People start asking you, “When are you going to have kids?” “When are you going to find someone?” To which I wish to answer, “I can’t, I don’t want to, and I won’t have kids until I get married” and “I need to find myself before I find…correction…before God places any one in my life” These people do not mean to make you feel this way, so please forgive them. Like Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” Luke 23:34 (Insert winking emoji face). However, it does spring up a surmountable amount of anxiety when these questions start being thrown your way.

2. And then the next thing happens…waiting. Waiting for that perfect man. Waiting to be able to do things you can only do when you are in a relationship. Waiting for your turn to walk down the isle. Waiting. Waiting. WAITING. Let’s not forget that the waiting consists of sprinkles and dashes of what is listed in our lovely number 1.

In this blog, I decided to talk about the “Waiting Process” that most single women who want to get married go through. Not every single woman will or has felt like this, but to those who have, I pray that this renews your mind and gives you perspective.

My First Vacation…By Myself

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So this week in a spur of the moment, I decided I wanted to go on a vacation by myself. So I came to Daytona Beach, Florida. My thought process behind this vacation was a plethora of strategic and complex maneuvers against every scrutiny ever thrown towards a single Christian woman. My though process went something like this (clears throat) “WAITING FOR WHAT!?!?” I don’t understand what the wait is for? Am I waiting to live my life? God has already given me life, so I am going to live it regardless. Life is a gift, much like salvation, that is handed over to us. The manner in which we take care of that gift, is completely up to the individual. Sorry future husband, but I am not waiting for you so that I can enjoy myself. I am not waiting for you to take a trip. I am not waiting for you to increase my walk with Christ. I am not waiting for you so that I can grow my ministry. I am not waiting for you so that I can start my business. I love you and I pray that you are a supportive and loving man, but honey boo boo…you’re not here yet sooooooo 🙂 …..

SIDE NOTE: I feel like I need to put this side note in here. I am not saying to live a life in sin. Keep it holy. The goal is still to get to the altar and not burn. If you are a Christian, you are a walking billboard for Christ. Your life should reflect your title.

This is where the mistake occurs. We get too caught up on “waiting” for someone that we forget to “live”. There is absolutely nothing wrong with going on a trip by yourself if you wish to, or if no one else is available to go with you. Let me give you some perspective. I have a lot of friends who already have kids. They go to work. Leave their jobs around 4pm and go pick up the kids. They pass by the grocery store to get groceries. They get home and start cooking around 6:30pm. Their husbands come home. They eat dinner at 7:30pm. They help the kids with homework, 8:30pm. Put them to sleep. Take a shower. Talk to their husbands about their day, 10pm.  Go to sleep. Then wake up the next day to do it all over again. Now, this is my day. I wake up. Go to work. Come home 4:30pm. Make myself a sandwich (or eat whatever left over is in the refrigerator, cause I hate cooking). I watch TV (sometimes take a nap or talk on the phone). Put on my workout clothes 6:30pm. Go to the gym (sometimes go to a church activity, or to my friends house, whatever sounds better at the moment). Get home, 8pm. Sometimes I work on my business, sometimes I don’t. I take a shower. Read my word, 9pm. Pray. Write, 9:30pm. Go to sleep. Do you see a difference? I literally get to do anything I want, any day of the week. I am not bashing married women. You all are the real MVPs. You all do so much for your families and everyone around you. Sometimes without even thinking about yourselves. The dedication that is put into that, is admirable and I respect you for that. But my single ladies, you get to do…ANYTHING, and we literally take it for granted.

If you are a single woman out there. Do not fret about the season that God has put you in.  Instead embrace it. Do everything that ONLY you, as a single woman can do. When God moves you to the next season in life and you find your husband, then embrace that. Do everything that ONLY you, as a married couple can do. When God moves you to the next season in life and you start a family, then embrace that. Do everything that ONLY you can do as a family. If we learn to live in the moment, then we won’t waste another second waiting…for what exactly?

 

 

The Journey

How It Started

I decided to first start writing this blog almost a year ago…almost around the same time too. I am not sure what it is about this time of the year but my creativity and desire to put pen to paper really urges me to plunge into literature.

When I decided to start this journey, it was more of a way to teach single women, in particular, on how to truly love themselves and prepare themselves to be wives. But here is the dilemma, how can you teach what you have not perfected? The bible tells us to first take the plank out of our own eye before we remove the speck from our neighbor’s eye.

After a year of contemplation, writing in my own personal journal, and absolutely forgetting that I even started this blog, I decided to remove the speck from my own eye. This is the beginning of me, being honest and real with God and people. This is my first step towards revealing my testimony and instead of teaching people, I am going to show them how God has worked in my life and what I have learned through my experiences and walk with God.

My Testimony

“They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony…” Revelation 12:11

Let me just started with this, I grew up in the HOOD. When I say hood, I mean H.O.O.D. Let me explain it this way, I remember growing up and knowing the drug leaders in my neighborhood, because I went to school with their younger brothers and sisters. I remember watching the show The First 48 and seeing someone whom I grew up with, murdered. I remember getting a call my freshmen year of college from someone who I considered to be my best friend growing up. She called to tell me that she might go to jail for stabbing someone who raped her…while she was high.

Now, this is a lot for a first time post. But I hope this serves to show God’s protection, God’s grace, God’s favor, and His love for His son’s and daughter’s. Recognize, that everything I have written this far, has not been about me. I have written about the environment that I grew up in. The things that I have heard. The things that I saw. The things that ultimately affected me. All these things however, I never personally experienced myself. That is my testimony.

When people see me, when they talk to me, they don’t realize that I grew up in this environment. My testimony is about protection and being given the grace that surpasses all understanding. God kept me from my own upbringing. He kept me from poverty. He kept me from drugs. He kept me from abuse. He kept me physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I came to realize God’s grace and favor over my life during the first couple of years of college. While I was in Florida State University, getting my pre-requisites for nursing school; like I mentioned earlier, the people I grew up with were simultaneously living a completely different lifestyle.

Coming To Know My Savior

“Before I formed you in your mother’s womb, I knew you…” Jeremiah 1:5

Walking with Christ is a process. That’s it. Period. There is no end. You never get to a point where you can say, “I finally understand everything. I have figured it all out. I am no longer an imperfect being”. Those are all lies, and if you truly believe that you have come to a place where you think you know it all…I am going to be absolutely honest with you and tell you that’s the enemy. He is trying to keep you from all the more that God wants to teach you. It is a plot and a scheme that he uses to keep us from progressively getting closer to God.

I once heard a pastor telling the story of this man in church who struggled with addiction. He came to Christ and God completely transformed his entire life. But he still found himself struggling. Even though he no longer did what he use to during his “pre-Jesus days”. He still caught himself thinking about “it”. That thing that he was once so addicted to. So the pastor asked him one question, “Are you ready to fight against ‘it’ for the rest of your life?” I loved this! I wanted to jump out my seat and run down the isle! This is a great depiction of a Christian life. It is no mistake when Paul wrote “I have fought a good fight. I have finished the race. I have kept the faith” (2 Timothy 4:7). Our time here should be spent getting to know God through Christ and helping others get closer to God as well. And because we are imperfect beings, we have to constantly have self-reflection, correction, and accountability in what we do, how we act, and what we say.

My walk with Christ has been much like Paul and the guy who struggled with addiction. I told you that God has kept me from many things, but the one thing I fell short on is sexual immorality, a.k.a, having sex before marriage. I was playing house when I didn’t have a house to play in. I was playing wife and giving all of the perks with no title, no ring, and no commitment from either party involved in the relationship.

SIDE NOTE: Now you see why I originally wanted to write about this topic?

This is something that has really tried my faith. The fact of the matter is, like the majority of women out there, Christian or non-Christian, I want to get married and start a family. And men, whether “Christian” or non-Christian will use this as a way to get the cookie. No, it is not a typo! I did mean to say “Christian” men…in quotation marks. Let’s keep it real. The devil is in the church too. The enemy quoted SCRIPTURE when he tempted Jesus in the desert….SCRIPTURE! I have one advice to give…DON’T EVER GIVE UP THE COOKIE before you walk down that isle. I will be posting a blog about this soon. I will go into more details about my struggle and how I have overcome sexual immorality. But for now, I will tell you this…it has been hhh..hhh..hhhhaaaarrrdddd. But it has been rewarding and life changing. I have grown spiritually. I have grown emotionally. I have become mature. My self esteem has increased. I have come to know who I am. My confidence has sky rocketed and I owe it all to my walk with Christ. In a nutshell, at the end of the day, ” I am determines who I am”.